Note: I purchased this book.
The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes to Stay Married by Iris Krasnow (an Oprah “Ten Titles to Pick Up Now” book) is a book that delves into the personal stories of various women and what it takes to keep their marriage going. Most of the book emphasizes the importance of having hobbies and friends outside of the marriage while other women discuss the pros of having affairs and/or swinging. That said, I have mixed feelings about the book and it is 70% because it has so many spoilers about classic novels (more on that later).
I went into this one knowing that the target audience is women who have been married 20+ years and are becoming empty nesters for the first time. It’s a precarious age when a woman has time to relearn who she is without being a caregiver and can cause a lot of stress within a marriage. I enjoyed reading these parts and see the value in the importance of having a life outside of the marriage. One person cannot possibly bring another person complete and total happiness and it is unfair to put that much pressure on one single person. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:
- ” I still love marriage – that is, when I don’t loathe it. ”
- “Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get into it and get used to it, it’s not so hot anymore.”
- “Love can be perfect, if you know that it will never be perfect.”
- “I am…. frequently perched on the flimsy line that separates love from hate from a fistfight.”
What I liked about this book is that it is realistic. I’ve been married less than two years and am incredibly lucky and happy, but I didn’t go into it thinking everything would be sunshine and rainbows. Real life and real love can be hard, but that only makes it more rewarding when you come out on the other side.
In the five years that I’ve known my husband, he’s seen me through two years of school, two major surgeries, quitting smoking, and a cross-country move. I figure if we made it through all of these, then we are A-okay. There are couples who split over any one of these things, and I am fortunate to have such a loving and enduring husband.
There are two things I didn’t like about this book. The first is that the author spends so much time focusing on what is logical and realistic that it completely leaves out any room for heart-racing romance. I was left thinking that while the author said romance is important and that lulls are normal, she didn’t really believe it and was resigned to mediocrity. The second is that it has so many spoilers in regard to classic novels. I now know the endings to Madame Bovary, Jane Eyre, Anna Karenina, and the movie It’s Complicated. And I don’t mean she gives away the general sense-of-the-ending…. She gives away the details and pivotal points and all of these books are on my Classics Club list, which is very frustrating.
I think this book is best suited for women who have been married for at least 10+ years. I’m glad that I read it because it confirmed my suspicions that living only within the confines of a marriage can be stifling. A good marriage and a good husband is one that enables you to be yourself and flourish, not place limits on your potential. I just hope I can reciprocate!
To purchase The Secret Lives of Wives, click here:
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Twitter: RebeccaScags
Maybe it should be “10 Titles for Women Who are Ready to Hear Something Not Fun About Marriage.”
Also, we discussed already but I can’t stand that authors put spoilers of other books in their books!!
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That’s a good title.
Beautiful review Allison! I bought Madame Bovary, Jane Eyre, Anna Karenina recently, so I guess I won’t be reading this one. Thanks for the warning
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Thank you! Definitely stay away from this book if you are planning to read them!
Twitter: MyLifeinBooks79
Ok, don’t think I can read it just because of the spoilers! That’s at the top of my POed list! And having been married 13 years, I’d say yes, all of those ideas about marriage are accurate and fair. My husband loves football and I love books no less than we did 15 years ago when we met. We try to show some interest and support on these things. We have different careers that we share with each other and we go out with our friends without each other. It truly works well this way.
So to avoid spoilers, I’m gonna say I’ve read this one through experience
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I knew it was true! And, if I had known that there were such detailed spoilers I would NOT have read the book! Next time I’ll just email you, instead!
Twitter: nktsoljo
On the plus side, it made you realize what you want out of your marriage!
Twitter: thebookwheel
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Good point!
Spoilers!? Ugh, why? It’s fine if authors want to talk about other books but why in the world would you give away endings? Not everyone in the world has read every single book. Bah. Ok, rant over.
Other than that it sounds like a decent enough read. I wonder if you would have liked it more if you were an old married lady?
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Maybe? I read some other reviews and the general consensus is that it’s fairly negative. But then again, those reviewers may have been younger newlyweds, too! And yes, I HATE spoilers! And hers were detailed!